Bios
The Yawning Yaks: Ava, Boris, Brendan, Frances, Henry, Jennifer, Olga, Suvir The Sedentary Snow Leopards: '''Cassie, Cristina, Elyse, Kingsley, Mauricio, Lexi, Rhett, Vaughn '''Name (Age): Ava (19) Team: The Yawning Yaks Current Occupation: Uh, not much, haha! I should probably be in school right now, but I have better things to do with my life. Hobbies: Let's be real, do I even have to say it? Smoking that good kush, the devil's lettuce, cheeba, doobies, you know. I also like going to raves, because who doesn't? So trippy. 3 words to describe you: Snoop Ava. That's two words, but I don't really care. Favorite Total Drama contestant: Have there ever been any vegans or new-age hippies on that show? I dunno, I barely have time to watch it. But I identify with anyone who loves our precious Mother Earth as much as I do. Greatest Fear: Country music. I literally gag any time I hear it. Seriously, it's the worst. Worse than when I run out of weed. Reason for Applying: Knowing Total Drama, I bet the location of this season will be the woods somewhere, and all I need in life is to find some cool, trippy glow-in-the-dark shrooms or something. Yeah, that's the stuff. Why You'll Win: Hahaha, I probably won't, but I could use the money for... um, certain purposes! Plus I'm really social and make friends easily. Short Background: My friends and I are probably the most high-achieving individuals you will ever meet. Just kidding, we're basically burnouts, but that just makes us all the more charming, doesn't it? I like to meet new people, smoke, hotbox my van, listen to electronic music, and, uh... sleep. Yeah, sleeping is really fun too. Name (Age): Boris (26) Team: The Yawning Yaks Current Occupation: I am an admin on one of the premier Brony forums on the web. I am considered an internet specialist and have developed a sizable cult following, much like my favorite animes. I would also call myself a fedora connoisseur. And I do NOT live in my parents' basement. Hobbies: Wooing potential waifus on Clash of Legends, trolling those incompetent SJWs on Tumblr, experimenting with various flavors of Doritos and Mountain Dew, and obviously, playing Luncheons and Laggins. 3 words to describe you: The perfect man. Favorite Total Drama contestant: I enjoyed that Alejandro guy. But I believe that I am much more worldly and more of a Renaissance man than him. Greatest Fear: Most likely those "feminists" on Tumblr. They're absolutely terrifying. I'm also severely afraid of the Blue Screen of Death, I get that a ton. Reason for Applying: I would like to meet a quality female who actually appreciates nice guys like me and doesn't just date assholes. Why You'll Win: Because I'm naturally likable. People are just drawn to my infinite amounts of charisma. Short Background: I quit college, because who needs that? I have my thousands of internet friends, my explicit-- I mean, my adult anime programs, my extremely well-groomed beard, and my general success. I'm a cool guy. Name (Age): Cassie (20) Team: The Sedentary Snow Leopards Current Occupation: College student. Hobbies: Watching TV shows on Netflix, preferably ones with strong female leads. I also like arguing with white cishet boys on the Internet. 3 words to describe you: Cute as heck. Favorite Total Drama contestant: Well, the majority of them are problematic in some manner, so I don't even want to pick one. I guess if I had to, I'd say Jasmine, since she was a strong, powerful WoC. But ugh, even she had to attach herself to a straight white male. I guess nobody's perfect. Greatest Fear: Ha, I don't get scared. Unless you count the many forms of oppression and privilege in our society. Reason for Applying: I want to meet people similar to myself, and I also want to provide a good role model for fellow pansexual demiromantics at home, since erasure is a very prevalent problem today. I also want to find some cishets to yell at, since you know there will be some. Why You'll Win: I probably won't, but even if I don't win the show, I don't think there will be anyone on the show who's less problematic than I am. Plus I'm probably more adorable than you, so ha. Short Background: I live online. Since my grades in high school weren't too great, I'm stuck in this awful pit of a university, and since almost everyone is either racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, or transphobic, it severely limits the pool of people I can hang out with. I used to be obsessed with British sci-fi TV shows, but I have since seen the light and I must fight for what's correct in this world. Name (Age): Cristina (25) Team: The Yawning Yaks Current Occupation: I guess I'd call myself an "aspiring writer," as cheesy as that may sound. If one can be a professional romantic, then sign me up for that, because oh, honey, I spend most of my time up in my lonely apartment doing... You know, never mind. This is making me too emotional. Hobbies: Writing steamy music, hanging out with my male friends, watching (and memorizing) 1940's film noirs. 3 words to describe you: Romantic, flirtatious, and crafty. Favorite Total Drama contestant: I relate to Tolkien's existential and romantic struggles. That boy was actually slightly cute, if that doesn't sound weird... I like a man who can think deep, detailed thoughts but also be adorable. He fit both of those check boxes. Greatest Fear: I'm not too fond of snakes. I don't know, they're spooky. Reason for Applying: Why else other than the possibility of meeting fancy men? And no, I don't mean those poseurs who call themselves "fancy"... I mean actual romantics. Why You'll Win: I'm very, VERY strategic. These looks aren't just for show, I promise. Short Background: Well, I live in the glitzy, upscale town of New York... and I essentially sit around and pine over lost loves. I feel as if my forceful, outgoing personality gets in the way of developing something with a special someone. It's tragic. Name (Age): Henry (18) Team: The Yawning Yaks Current Occupation: Well, I go to school. Hobbies: Jamming out and producing cool tunes on my 'bone. And yeah, that's a shortened version of trombone that I coined. Sound weird? Oops. 3 words to describe you: Hilarious, social, and... oh, darn, out of words already. Shouldn't have said 'and.' I'm gonna be up all night thinking about that huge blunder I just made. Favorite Total Drama contestant: Harold. Weird, but secretly cool, lanky ginger dude. Wait, I'm not saying I'm weird or lanky, and my coolness is definitely not a secret. I just found him funny. Is there a problem with that? Greatest Fear: Alligators. Ugh, they're always locking me up and putting me in cages. Lame. Reason for Applying: I would like to immerse myself in the bowels of the woods. Why You'll Win: I'm pretty stylish and graceful. Short Background: In addition to my schooling, I do a variety of things. For instance, I'm the chairperson of the Redheaded Male Gymnasts' Club of my school. And also maybe the only member. I'm also a budding entrepreneur, I sell bananas at school during lunch. You'd be surprised how many people flock to them. I guess they just enjoy long, slender, curved yellow objects. Ha. Name (Age): Kingsley (23) Team: The Yawning Yaks Current Occupation: YouTuber! And college student! Hobbies: Tweeting love messages to my queens (I always make sure to use tons ''of emojis), practicing gymnastics, making YouTube videos where I basically rant about great music and pop culture with my equally fab friends, and browsing dating apps! Wait, forget about that last one. '''3 words to describe you:' Fun, fresh, and fierce! What else could I possibly say? Favorite Total Drama contestant: Heather is the ONLY answer. She is queen, she is the true bae of the Total Drama series. Well, Chelsey is cool too. But Heather is really where it's at. Rrrrow! Greatest Fear: I gotta go with Lindsay on this one and say bad haircuts! Wait, scratch that, bad fashion in general! Ewww! Reason for Applying: It'll be a super fun adventure! Plus, I want to spill some truth tea. There are gonna be some fake ratchet hoes in the season, and I want to make sure they know they're ratchet. Why You'll Win: I am straight up with people. If they throw shade at me, I'll throw shade right back at them. Plus, I'm suuuper likable! Short Background: My friends describe me as a "strong personality", and it's true! I like pop music a lot, it helps me express myself. I also ADORE making friends with people and gossiping! Basically, everything I do turns out to be faaabulous! ♪ Name (Age): Rhett (21) Team: The Sedentary Snow Leopards Current Occupation: Ah'm a farmhand at th' family dude ranch. Also been homeschooled m' whole life. Hobbies: Huntin', fishin', drinkin' beer with m' dad an' brothers, and playin' down-home country games like horse-fightin'. It's like cock-fightin', but more brutal. 3 words to describe you: Kind, outgoing, and athlete. Favorite Total Drama contestant: Well, y'know, I ain't seen too many country boys on th' show, and I feel like I'll be just myself on th' show. But I see some resemblance in m'self to Alejandro, because I will dominate th' game and manipulate every woman, then win. Also he's good at challenges, but I'm better. Greatest Fear: I ain't 'fraid of nothin'. Bein' out in the wilderness all m' life has made me a tough cookie. Reason for Applying: I want to tell everyone how strong and resilient I am, and I want to win big bucks. Why You'll Win: Ah'm a nice ol' country boy, and if that don't win in the end then none of those contestants have souls. Short Background: I live down in th' south, there ain't too many people down there but I know I have some good people skills. I herd cattle some o' th' time, I do a lot of huntin', and I pride myself on bein' a cool, amiable guy. Name (Age): Suvir (17) Team: The Sedentary Snow Leopards Current Occupation: High school student. Thank god. But I'm training to do some sort of detective work when I get out of this place. Hobbies: Scrolling through the Internet to find proof about blueprints that hint at the true motives of this capitalist hellhole of a government that we're run by. 3 words to describe you: Smart, resourceful, and mature. Favorite Total Drama contestant: Shawn is the only one I can even say I'm like at all. The guy was smart as hell and he knew that being a bit paranoid of potential dangers wasn't a bad thing. And he won! I'd say his strategy worked out pretty well. Greatest Fear: Too many things to list off the top of my head. Reason for Applying: To warn people of the upcoming war. What war? Well, that's what I'm still trying to figure out right now. Whatever it is, it'll be marked by severe weather (or should I say "Suvir" weather? Heh), so I'll know when it's coming. I need people to be on my side when I take on these missions. Why You'll Win: I can catch people dead in their tracks when they're lying. Short Background: I go to school. I have friends, but most of them are secretly evil. I can see it in their eyes. Like, seriously, I sometimes feel like I'm the only one I can trust in this awful, twisted world.